Couples Therapy Works With Patterns, Not Content

What often surprises couples is how quickly they can begin to identify and recognise patterns and cycles that they regularly find themselves in. 

Recognising patterns is often the easy part

Though recognising these patterns is often fairly straightforward, being able to interrupt these patterns as they are happening in the moment is where the work is focussed. 

Why these patterns feel so painful

The reason for this is that the negative cycles that we get caught in with our partner, do not happen from a lack of care… far from it. They get activated because it is our partner, our chosen one…  and, it is the very experience of feeling like our partner isn’t getting us, that we are misunderstood in the eyes of our loved one, that makes it all feel so very raw and painful. 

Skilful therapy is all about supporting partners to recognise the patterns then tenderly exploring what is fuelling these. I support partners to practice, over and over again, to lean into these moments from a place of vulnerability. 

At the beginning of the work this can feel very challenging for partners, but over time and with patience, this is the work of transformation. My great joy, what really makes this challenging work so rewarding for me, is witnessing two people learning to turn towards each other in these moments. 

If you would like to learn more about how I work with couples, you can read more here.