Doing the Reps: Why Consistency Matters in Couples Therapy
Lasting change in couples therapy doesn’t come from quick fixes. It comes from consistency, courage, and showing up week after week to do the real work of building a secure bond.
Something that’s often misunderstood about therapy is that, in my honest opinion, there are no shortcuts or quick fixes when it comes to lasting change.
Like individual therapy, couples therapy takes time, hard work, and commitment.
Often, by the time a couple seeks support, negative cycles have been escalating for a number of years. In attachment-based couples therapy, we are working with two separate attachment systems that have been forming since early childhood. Couples may also be holding relational trauma — sometimes known, sometimes not — and this work takes time, courage, patience, and trust.
Why Weekly Couples Therapy Matters
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There are 168 hours in a week. Assuming a couple attends therapy weekly — which I believe is essential, particularly at the beginning of the process — this one hour really needs to count.
This precious hour is an opportunity to try doing things differently. More healthily. More lovingly. It must hold hope, while also supporting couples to lean in with courage, without overwhelming either partner.
This therapeutic hour is a chance to notice the cycle as it unfolds and to be supported, skilfully, to respond differently in the moment.
Lasting Change in Couples Therapy is Cumulative
The process is cumulative.
At the beginning, this work can feel challenging. It certainly asks for courage and commitment from both partners. And yet, over time — with practice and repetition — a new way of being together begins to emerge. Within the safety of an increasingly secure bond, attachment injuries can be held and healed.
If you’d like to explore weekly couples therapy, you can read more about working with me here.